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{October 17, 2008}   Snakes – first they bite your vagina, then they shit on your face.

Originally published June 6, 2008

let me start by saying that i’m fairly certain all snakes have it in their dna to find and kill me.  this is a belief i’ve held since childhood.  i’m pretty sure my daddy told me.  and my daddy’s never wrong.

now, to the point: i have never camped. this will come as a surprise to all of you yhcers, but will make perfect sense to anyone who’s ever heard me say, “I’m afraid of snakes and I don’t like to get dirty.” it’s just not something i’ve ever done.

well, times, as they say, they are a changin’ – i am going to learn to camp.  as is my want, i have been discussing this upcoming venture, ad nauseam, with friends.  their reaction, almost universally, has been…laughter.

so, last night i sit down with a friend and say, “do you really think i’m going to hate camping?”  that started a very informative discussion of what it means “to camp.”  about mid-way through the conversation he asks what i am most worried about.  my response, naturally, is “peeing in the woods in the dark and having a snake jump up and bite my vagina.”

once he stopped laughing he looked at me and said, “the worst part is when you wake up and the snakes have shit all over your face.”

i haven’t stopped cracking up and i’m not afraid of running into snakes while camping any more.

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